


When I Get Back

by CoreyWW



Category: NEOKOSMOS (Webcomic)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Arguing, Dark Past, Emotional Baggage, Emotions, F/F, Past Relationship(s), Past Violence, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6857236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'Besides, it’s not as if we can leave Tye in harm’s way, right?' Xaveria said.</p>
<p>Zehra shut their mouth. They said nothing.</p>
<p>Xaveria stared at Zehra, astonished."</p>
<p>A sadfic about Xaveria and Zehra. When the station is under attack, Xaveria and Zehra make some difficult decisions that neither is happy about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Get Back

“ZEHRA!”

Zehra opened their eyes, huddled on the floor against the wall. The lights in this section of the station had gone dark, but they could still make out Xaveria standing over them.

Xaveria’s black eyes were wide. She was breathing heavily.

If Zehra hadn’t known better, they would have thought Xaveria still cared about them. Despite ...

Despite everything they went through.

Zehra tried to get up, but their legs were still shaking. Their head felt fuzzy as the recalled everything that happened. They had gotten the evacuation order over their brain computer. And on the way to the teleporter, the entire station jolted so violently that Zehra had crashed against the wall.

The suddenness of the attack-- that had to be what it was, after all-- had caused them to panic. They didn’t know what to do.  They felt their heart pound faster and faster. They’d ...

They’d recalled past events that were best left forgotten.

They’d collapsed. For how long, they didn’t know.

“Zehra! What’s wrong?!” Xaveria shouted. “Were you hurt or--”

“No, I’m fine,” Zehra lied. “I-- I’m okay.”

Zehra managed to calm theirself enough to get to their feet. They brushed their black hair aside.

They stared at Xaveria, who glanced over her shoulder, as if worried someone might be following her.

“W-what are you still doing here?” Zehra asked. “Why haven’t you evacuated?”

“That’s ...” Xaveria frowned. “That’s not important right now. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, but we-- we have to get out of here.”

Xaveria’s face paled.

“You haven’t seen anyone, have--”

“No,” Zehra said. “No, I haven’t seen ... whoever they are.” Zehra was thankful for that. They hadn’t had the slightest idea what they’d do if they ran into someone dangerous.

Probably crumple up and die.

_Or watch everyone else die around me_ , Zehra tried not to think. It didn’t work, of course; it never did.

Xaveria nodded.

“I see ... that’s fortunate,” Xaveria said. Xaveria looked over her shoulder again. “Alright ... alright, let’s go. Stay close to me.”

Zehra managed to smile. They nodded. Despite all they'd been through, Zehra couldn't deny it felt good to be near Xaveria. Unlike Zehra, Xaveria could actually handle pressure without having a nervous breakdown. It was ... comforting.

Sometimes Zehra still hoped they made Xaveria feel the same way, but they doubted it.

Xaveria started to walk down the hall, but something confused Zehra ...

“Wait ... Xaveria,” Zehra said. Zehra gestured in the opposite direction. “The, um, telepad is this way.”

Xaveria turned back towards Zehra.

“I know,” Xaveria said. “That’s not where we’re going.”

Zehra’s eyes widened.

“Wha--?” Zehra started.

Xaveria turned to walk down the hallway. She didn’t break into a run, but her movement was swift.

“We have to get Tye,” Xaveria said. “The crash sounded like it came from their direction, so all the more reason to act quickly and--”

Zehra did not follow Xaveria.  They felt their hands start to shake.

Xaveria finally turned around to notice Zehra frozen in place.

“Zehra?” Xaveria said, concerned.

“You ... you want us to go _towards_ the crash?” Zehra said.

Xaveria glanced down at the floor for a second, then drew her eyes back up to Zehra’s.

“Yes,” Xaveria said.

“But-- but that’s--” Zehra felt their stomach knot up. They clenched their fists and tried to take a deep breath.

_Don’t get emotional_ , they told theirself. _Be rational. Xaveria will listen to reason._

Zehra straightened up.

“O-our orders were to evacuate this level as soon as possible,” Zehra said. “We can’t just--”

“I heard the order,” Xaveria said. She brought her hand up to her brain computer. “I’m simply ... taking liberties with its execution.”

“But--”

“Besides, it’s not as if we can leave Tye in harm’s way, right?” Xaveria said.

Zehra shut their mouth. They said nothing.

Xaveria stared at Zehra, astonished.

“You’re not suggested we _leave_ without them, are you?!” Xaveria shouted.

“I--” Zehra touched their shoulder. Just the thought of running into danger, of _Xaveria_ running into danger ...

Of every terrible thing Zehra had been through happening all over again ...

No. They couldn’t.

“W-we have to follow orders,” Zehra said. “Y-you’re the one who always tells _me_ to follow protocol--”

“ _Now’s_ the time where you’re worried about protocol?!” Xaveria said. “This is ...” Xaveria clenched her teeth. She was almost growling. “ _We practically raised them and you want to just leave them here_?! You’re the one they actually _like_! Don’t you _care_?!”

“Care” was a word Zehra had never heard Xaveria use before. Even when she and Zehra were ...

Zehra shook their head. Now wasn't the time dwell in that.

“Of course I care,” Zehra said. “Tye is sweet. But ...”

They felt their heart pound.

“I mean ... is this really worth risking your life?”

“ _WHAT_?!” Xaveria shouted.

Zehra cringed.

“I just mean ...”

“How can you _say_ that?!“ Xaveria shouted. “You're the one who criticized _me_ for not caring enough and now this?! How can you even _suggest_ that?!“

“Because I care about you too and I don't want _you_ to get hurt! You're important too!” Zehra felt theirself get choked up. “There's nothing more we can do for Tye now! All running over there is going to do is put _you_ in danger! This isn't worth _dying_ over!“

Without warning, Xaveria punched the wall. Her black eyes were intense. She shouted with a shakiness in her voice Zehra had never heard before.

“OF COURSE TYE’S WORTH IT, YOU _COWARD_!” Xaveria screamed.

Zehra recoiled. They couldn't think of a thing to say; they had no defense. Zehra already knew they were a coward. They had known that since--

_They remembered being huddled in the corner, clutching their head, unable to drown out the horrific sounds. Screams cut short by gunfire, the crack of eggs being trampled and crushed into nothing, the sickening sound of horns tearing at flesh ..._

_There was purple blood on Zehra's hands. They had known the compie whose blood it was and it made them feel sick to their stomach. They had wiped it on their clothes, but it wouldn't come off. It wouldn’t feel clean._

_They could hear the pounding of heavy footsteps. They couldn’t breathe. They couldn’t move. All they could do was choke back tears and hope they wouldn’t find them. That was all they could think._

_Please don’t find me, they thought over and over again. Please don’t find me ..._

Zehra's expression must have been horrific because Xaveria’s instantly seemed filled with regret.

Xaveria pulled her fist back and stared at it in shock.

“Zehra, I ... I’m sorry,” Xaveria said softly. She clutched her forehead. “I-- I didn’t mean to call you--”

“Please,” Zehra said, their voice so distraught and childlike that they hardly recognized it.

Zehra grabbed Xaveria’s arm.

“Please ... don't go,” Zehra said. “I don't want you to die too. Please, just ... just say you won’t go.”

Xaveria shut her eyes.

“Zehra,” she said.

“Yes?”

“I can’t do that,” Xaveria said. “Please let go of my arm.”

Zehra’s lips quivered. They felt like sobbing.

Xaveria opened her eyes and met Zehra’s.

“ _Please_ ,” Xaveria repeated.

Zehra hesitated, then released their grip. Xaveria immediately turned her back to them.

“If you’re not coming with me, at least get out of here quickly,” Xaveria said facing away from Zehra. “And make sure you don’t do anything as foolish as what I’m about to do. I’d--”

Zehra wasn't sure, but they thought they heard Xaveria’s voice crack for just a moment.

“I’d rather not have to yell at you for something else ... when I get back.”

Xaveria walked away. She did not so much as glance back, but that was okay for Zehra; at least this way Xaveria didn't see the tears in their eyes.

Zehra watched Xaveria disappear down the hallway. When they lost sight of Xaveria, they almost ran after her in spite of everything they said before ...

But instead, they turned and ran the other way.


End file.
